Love, Love, Love

Last night I returned from a wonderfully relaxing retreat with my church's young adult girls only retreat. I spent the love holiday with my two loves, the ocean and girl talk. The house we stayed in was on the ocean, like there wasn't really a beach leading to the ocean. At high tide the waves were crashing into the lower concrete wall and at low tide, there was a rocky beach with little tide pools. I watched the waves in the morning while doing my treatment and have never been more pleased with just sitting there. The air was so good for my lungs. For two of the days, the fog would role in and during our quiet time with the Lord, I sat out on a balcony and let the salt air wash over me. It was peacefully overwhelming watching these big waves crash just feet in front of me. Each one delivering something new and unique. I believe the details of nature are snapshots of heaven and a reassurance that we were created to be just as grand and beautiful as nature.

It was a weekend of acceptance for me. I did my treatment in front of 15 girls! Never have I ever been that open about doing my treatment. It was nice to be 'found out' and know that nothing is wrong about it. The only explanation I can give at the moment for why I hid my treatment from others was I was embarrassed and I didn't want pity. You don't see people wearing inflatable vests very often, unless you work on a boat. I also hate coughing in front of people. The sound alone of coughing out mucus disgusts me and its my own body. Bottom line I'm being super critical of myself and prideful that I know what people's reactions are going to be. It is a protective move, but no more, I tossed those feelings all into the ocean this weekend.

I also tried to stop being so self conscious about my cough. I did sleep out in the living room on the couch so I didn't disturb others in the bedrooms. It was the best place to sleep because I could hear the waves. The tension in my lungs did seem to ease up over the weekend. Seeing for myself that I was accepted I believe was the major contributor to this change. All we want in life is to be loved for who we are. It is very important to take the time to show others that. Even though I don't really like the cheesy holiday, it proves we have recognized that we all need some lovin'.